I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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