i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize