Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
