yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My vagina just recognized that song.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
