i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
