he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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