I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
