i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
