Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
