Tell her she can't have a vagina
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
