I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
