Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
