you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
