OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
