Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
