Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
