My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
