He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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