I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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