over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
