I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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