ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No he doesnât answer my texts except for like on New Yearâs Because like I was fucked up on New Yearâs and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you canât really recover from that
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