that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
