I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
