All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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