I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
