both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
