I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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