Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
