My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
