so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
