eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
