he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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