hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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