Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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