Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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