Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
