I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
