It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Houston, we have a blender
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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