You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
