I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
