remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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