it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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