are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
