I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
