The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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