You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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