it's too hot outside to masturbate.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
