Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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