whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
