He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
