I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
