Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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