So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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