apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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