i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
