weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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