it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize