Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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