took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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