At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
