Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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