yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
