I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
