you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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