I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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