Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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