I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
